The Twelve (scratch that) 20-some odd days of Christmas.

There are several theories of the meaning of the simple Christmas Carol The Twelve Days of Christmas. Most are centered around the Catholic religion. One group conducted research at the Austin Public Library. This has been debunked by Snopes.com. Another version can be found Christianity Today.

Marketing people across America will not be undone, however. We have more than doubled those twelve days with 26 days—or so—of Christmas.

We start with the day after Thankgiving which shoppertrak.com labels “Black Friday.” That is the day the retailers hope will put them in the black. They have come to hope that their Christmas will be merry on that day when shoppers looking for bargins drive up their profits.

Of course, if that fails, they can hope on “Black Saturday.” There does not seem to be a day for the Sunday after “Black Saturday.” Why don’t we just call it the “Sunday after Black Saturday after Church or miss Church altogether and shop Sunday.”

The latest crazed marketing scheme has emerged due to the popularity of the Internet. The Wikipedia explains:

The term “Cyber Monday” is a neologism invented by Shop.org, part of the U.S. trade association National Retail Federation. It was first used within the ecommerce community during the 2005 holiday season. According to Scott Silverman, the head of Shop.org, the term was coined based on research showing that 77% of online retailers reported a significant increase in sales on the Monday after Thanksgiving in 2004. In late November 2005, the New York Times reported that “The name Cyber Monday grew out of the observation that millions of otherwise productive working Americans, fresh off a Thanksgiving weekend of window shopping, were returning to high-speed Internet connections at work Monday and buying what they liked.”

There is nothing really going on until “Super Saturday;” that Saturday before the actual day of Christmas itself.

Well, it seems that there really isn’t a Santa Clause, Virginia. Or at least he isn’t delivering on the goods because shoppers flock to these retailer marketing schemes. As a supporter of free market Capitalism, I thought I might help to just fill in those days. For this year:

Nov. 27, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving
Nov. 28, Black Saturday is, of course, the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Nov. 29 is Sunday after Black Saturday after Church or miss Church altogether and shop Sunday. (My nomination).
Nov. 30 Cyber Monday (already taken).

The following days are days in which florists, pet shops, jewelers and even music store owners can hope to seek an advantage in this Christmas holiday season. Since the copyright on The Twelve Days of Christmas has expired, we’ll just incorporate those to the states thusly:
Dec. 1 is, of course, a partridge in a pear tree day.
Dec. 2 is Two turtle doves day.
Dec. 3 is Three French hens day.
Dec. 4 is Four calling birds day.
Dec. 5 is Five golden rings (Cha-ching) day.
Dec. 6 is Six geese a-laying day.
Dec. 7 is Seven swans a-swimming day.
Dec. 8 is Eight maids a-milking day. (Make your own joke here.)
Dec. 9 is Nine ladies dancing day. (this will, no doubt, be used extensively by strip bars across the country.)
Dec. 10 is Ten lords a-leaping day. (Again, your own joke will be necessary here.)
Dec. 11 is Eleven pipers piping day (get your musical instruments today!)
Dec. 12 is Twelve drummers drumming (Another day for music stores!)
Dec. 13 is Black day after the Twelve Days of Christmas Day.
Dec. 14 is Fourth of July in December day. (Get those patriotic gifts made in China.)
Dec. 15 is Come on, whadda ya stayin’ home for day.
Dec. 16 is Don’t make us beg, day.
Dec. 17 is Super television commercial day advertising the super days that follow. Day.
Dec. 18 is Super Friday
Dec. 19 is Super Saturday
Dec. 20 is Super Sunday (Has nothing to do with football).
Dec. 21 is Stay home, be with the kids and enjoy the holiday day. Just kidding. Better come shop day.
Dec. 22 is The day before, better get it now, day.
Dec. 23 is Better get it now day.
Dec. 24 is Final day to let us unload all of the stuff from China that finances their nuclear submarines day.
Dec. 25 is Stay home, be with the kids and enjoy the holiday day. We will. Are you kidding? We’ll be open, what are you doing home day?

Can you recall when Christmas was known as Christ Mass without Santa and the other pagan rituals? When it was a day to go to Catholic Mass and celebrate Christ? Of course you don’t. It wasn’t in the commercial. Mark your calendars.

shoppertrak.com
Cybermonday.com
Wikipedia

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